With Mothers Day just around the corner I want to honor all the amazing women out there, whether you have children or not you are a giver of life, amazing beautiful women of the world. So I have a little give away for y’all.. Tell me what it means to be a woman or tell me about an amazing woman in your life, in the comments or by private message and go in the draw to win this sweet prize! You can either have it for yourself or nominate a special woman you would like it sent to!
Much love, K x
Lately I have had a few conversations about my writing, most of it positive and it is so affirming to hear that people think I write well but also that my words offer an insight into the world of living with dementia. It is amazing when I can connect with people in the community because of the page and my writing.
But some of the conversations about my writing has been perplexing to say the least, I have written about this before.
Making yourself vulnerable is the strongest thing you can do. I don’t find it easy to ask for help, I put it down to my only child syndrome. I think a lot of people do; but in an ever changing world where you can be in contact 24/7 an easy way to communicate without directly asking for help is to post something. Write something. Show your emotions in some way that takes it away from directly having to ask for help. So when I write about the way that alzheimers impacts me it is my way of asking for help. It is also my way of relieving the pressure that is building up. I write about sad things, happy things, frustating things and the likes.
This makes me vulnerable, it makes me open to criticism, it makes me open to idolisation, it validates my own self worth and in the eyes of some it makes me appear weak. It makes me appear too emotional, too angry, bitter or unstable.
But don’t get it twisted. Being vulnerable is the strongest thing you can be. The power it takes to write out your emotions, share your emotions at any level is an amazing feat.
So to anyone who has ever felt as if sharing your emotions is a hard thing to do, it is, you might be viewed as weak or vulnerable. But know this, you are strong, you are amazing and you are perfect!
So this is the last thing I will say on this;
Wednesday morning I woke up and checked Facebook (the perils of a social media addiction), the previous day I had posted what I had thought was a funny picture of Kim Kardashians daughter North West, I wrote a caption “my face when someone is offended that martha doesn’t remember them.” It was followed by hashtags #wellduh #shehasalzheimers. It made me chuckle, until Wednesday morning.
I don’t know who posted it, I don’t even recall word for word what it said.. but I still feel what it did to me. Because what it resonated in me was disappointment in myself, I felt lousy, I felt small and I felt useless. Sitting on the edge of my bed reading these words was like a slow knife pushing through to my heart. All of my insecurities unravelled in that moment. Then and now; I know this was just the push on an already crappy few days/weeks. I was humiliated, who had read this? Is that what people think? My over active brain started to spiral down. My page, my sharing was never intended to offend anybody ever and now I have. I cycled through emotions quickly, anger, frustration, sadness and then I had desperate longing to let that person know who wrote the comment that it is never in my nature to offend you with my posts. There is no PR team, it is just me, a struggling daughter losing my mother trying to make the best of the situation. I am trying to use my page, my writing as a tool to heal and grow. Studies show that carers in any capacity have a lower health standard and should find healthy outlets to explore emotions. This is what I am doing. This is a good example of how I am doing that, I am sharing, I am letting it out, because if I bottle it up. I lose it. I can’t do my job, I can’t care, and everyone loses.
So my message to that person and for any other person who might want to provide feedback; BE KIND. Do it with kindness, do it in a way that the person won’t feel humiliated or embarrassed. Private message that page, carefully construct your sentences, ask yourself how you would feel when you read that message. Would it make you feel empowered to read it, would it make you feel like praising that person in thanks..? Ask questions like what is that person going through? What am I going through? On a scale of how offensive is it, how should my reaction be? How does it offend me? Know your audience and act from your heart. And if you did that, if you truly answered all those and felt good that your feedback would uplift, empower and help.. then Thank you, because perspective is everything and you are offering yours.
And for the person that specifically provided the feedback that so unceremoniously unravelled me.. I truly hope you don’t read this. I hope you removed yourself from my page. But most importantly for you, I want you to know.. there are so many other things you should be offended or disgusted by, my survival of alzheimers is not one.
From my healing heart,
Tonight I cried, really cried; sad, sorrowful tears.
I knew they were coming, I had preparing all week for this moment.
This precise moment when everything would tumble from me and I would get lost in my loss.
I cried for the loss of my Father.
I cried for the loss of my Mother.
And then, after I had cried my mournful tears of grief.
I cried because I’ve lost myself.