Posted on April 23, 2020 Leave a Comment
Ninety percent of what I say at the moment are simple commands; “eat your food”“drink your water”“come on”“sit down”“stand up” On a good day it is peppered with “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re such a good girl”, on a bad day they are short and sharp, they hold any manner of things, anger, rage, frustration, […]
What will we lose?
Posted on March 31, 2020 Leave a Comment
I’ve become somewhat accustomed to loss, as humans I think we often tend to push our losses to the side and not deal with them, but as a caregiver I am constantly dealing with loss. It started with the loss of my Dad in 2013, and since then it has ranged between a drop of […]
Posted on March 28, 2020 3 Comments
One day you will become the embodiment of atua wāhine.It will be in the surrender that she makes her home in you.One day she will arrive and settle in your soul,early on you will go to war with her;How dare she come into your house!Most days you will not even know she calls you home.She […]
Grief, loss and alzheimers
Posted on March 24, 2019 2 Comments
In 2013 I had my first experience of grief, true, moving, heart-wrenching grief. It was a time in my life where I wasn’t sure if I could carry on. Simultaneously I became a carer to Martha, I supported her through her grief, I remember on the 2nd morning of Dad passing, his body laid out […]
Blessings in everything
Posted on November 25, 2017 1 Comment
Six months ago the thought of calling alzheimers a blessing would of filled me with rage. How dare those words tumble from someones mouth so ostensibly! Alzheimers is not, in any way a blessing.. and yet I uttered those exact words a few weeks ago to someone I didn’t know, she looked at me with […]
2017 won’t be great..
Posted on December 30, 2016 Leave a Comment
I do have a choice, and that choice is to walk with her till the end regardless of how hard it will be.
Posted on November 4, 2016 1 Comment
Disclaimer: This is an honest real account of what my life is like caring for a person with Alzheimer’s, and whilst I appreciate your concern please avoid giving me advice on what you think I ‘should‘ be doing. I have regular respite, I have regular counselling and have a great support network. Also, I swear […]
When it hurts, it hurts
Posted on February 15, 2016 Leave a Comment
I am hurting. The pain is radiating from my heart and spreading down to the tips of my fingers and toes. It feels as if my hair aches and my finger nails are digging into me. This pain and grief feels familiar, common but also unfamiliar. I have not bathed in grief for a long […]
A life worth living..
Posted on January 9, 2016 Leave a Comment
Dear Katie Hopkins, It has been almost a year since you wrote this (and various other things about dementia); “Dementia sufferers should not be blocking beds. What is the point of life when you no longer know you are living it? Bang me over the head.” I, fortunately, have only just stumbled across your careless […]
Letters to my Mama… part 4
Posted on January 5, 2016 Leave a Comment
Dear Mama, This morning your delusions had the best of you, when I came in to say Hi you were so sad. I sat with you and asked you what was wrong, with your beautiful eyes looking up at me, you whispered ‘I think I have to go away.’ I reassured you that you were […]