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Letters to my Mama… part 5

“what must it be like to have nothing? not even memories to visit in the night”

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Am I your daughter?

And if she does not remember me, please do not be offended if she does not remember you.

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The Grief journey..

There is the all too familiar saying “time heals everything..” is it true? Maybe, I don’t think so. I don’t think you ever heal. You learn to cope better, manage every day life better, you learn to smile again and re-emerge as the person everyone once you knew you as.

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When it hurts, it hurts

I am hurting. The pain is radiating from my heart and spreading down to the tips of my fingers and toes. It feels as if my hair aches and my finger nails are digging into me. This pain and grief feels familiar, common but also unfamiliar. I have not bathed in grief for a long […]

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Letters to my Mama… part 4

Dear Mama, This morning your delusions had the best of you, when I came in to say Hi you were so sad. I sat with you and asked you what was wrong, with your beautiful eyes looking up at me, you whispered ‘I think I have to go away.’  I reassured you that you were […]

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A few helpful tips..

This time of year is a hard time for families caring for someone with alzheimers/dementia.  Services shut down or go to a skeleton staff, family and friends go away for the holiday season, it is hot, tiring and the days are long. Carers are often exhausted and will look that way. I know this from […]

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Letters to my Mama… Part 2

As hard as it is, sometimes it is harder to be away from you. I miss your connection to me I miss you knowing me when you are with me and that is hard, but when you aren’t with me I just miss you and I don’t know which is harder.

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The stuck-ness that is life..

I can recognize this, seek help, take meds, make a gazillion cups of tea and still I will be stuck in the stuck-ness that is my life.

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The kindness of caring

As the days turned to weeks, and weeks to months it became more and more obvious that I would be caring for Mum permanently.

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The cost of caring…

I write this and think that maybe a lot of people will say, “maybe it is time for full time care.” It’s not. Trust me.

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