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When does the feeling sad part stop?
Posted on December 8, 2014 1 Comment
The past few days I have been reminded of grief. In many ways, shapes and forms. My own grief and the hole it has carved in my heart and of others grief. Today I wished collectively we did not experience grief, loss or sadness. That it wasn’t heart breaking and hard. Today I wished that grief […]
Dear Alzheimers…
Posted on December 3, 2014 Leave a Comment
Dear Alzheimers, I hate you. I hate everything you have done to me. I hate you more for what you have done to Martha. I hate the highs and the lows, this crazy roller coaster ride that you have forced me on. I hate roller coasters. I want to be selfish and live my life […]
The merge…
Posted on November 11, 2014 Leave a Comment
We just moved in with friends. Good friends. Great friends. Angels on this earth; and I feel like I am suffocating. I pray, I hope that this will pass quickly. It’s an interesting thing merging lives together, I was content when I lived in Christchurch, a familiar supportive crew that did their own thing, supported […]
The nature of the beast..
Posted on November 5, 2014 3 Comments
I have to believe that for every dark night, there is a brighter day… Following moments of happiness last night we delved into moments of true sadness and desperation this morning. Martha has spent the last twelve hours angry, agitated, frustrated.. Telling me how much of a stupid fucking bitch I am. One of the […]
For every dark night, there is a brighter day…
Posted on November 4, 2014 1 Comment
The last 7 days have been 7 days from hell. Martha became so affected by her alzheimers that I was no longer able to care for her safely and she was admitted into Auckland Hospitals Secure Unit for Older People. Work became over bearing and a real challenge, I made poor eating choices and I […]
The dance of exhaustion..
Posted on October 21, 2014 3 Comments
At the end of two weeks of full on work, I can say with conviction I AM EXHAUSTED. More than that I am near breaking point. My head is constantly filled with what I need to do, what I haven’t done and what I have been doing. I have slipped into seriously bad habits of eating […]
Revelling in happiness
Posted on October 7, 2014 4 Comments
Today I was asked ‘How is Martha?’ Most days I am asked this questions and I stumble through an answer; “Yeah, um, yeah she is ok, well, ah actually she isn’t, it’s been a bit shit lately, she is getting worse..” But today at 7am when I was asked for the first time of the […]
The war of 2am…
Posted on September 25, 2014 1 Comment
At 2am Martha is awake, moving, muttering and turning lights on. This meant at 2:03am I am awake, moving, muttering and following the lights. After I yell for a minute or two to try and get Martha back to bed I concede, get up and find her on the couch. We both sit in the […]
Parenting the Parent
Posted on September 19, 2014 2 Comments
As Martha and I go through the journey that is Alzheimers it becomes more evident that our roles have switched. Looking into the past I realize I am now repeating much of my own Mother’s behaviors as a parent, on my own Mother. I remember being a teenager and Mum repeatedly telling me to get […]
Part 2 on depression… snippets of life
Posted on September 15, 2014 Leave a Comment
This time last year I was in preparation for heading to Rarotonga with my mains from 463… For me it was a mixed experience, on the day that we were leaving the 19th September was also the day that my beloved child hood home was going up for auction, it had been almost three months […]
Me, Martha and Alzheimer's 