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Letters to my Mama… Part 2

As hard as it is, sometimes it is harder to be away from you. I miss your connection to me I miss you knowing me when you are with me and that is hard, but when you aren’t with me I just miss you and I don’t know which is harder.

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The stuck-ness that is life..

I can recognize this, seek help, take meds, make a gazillion cups of tea and still I will be stuck in the stuck-ness that is my life.

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The turn…

We danced on the driveway, a familiar dance of love and hate.

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We miss you

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For the existed.”

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Letting go

Caring for my Mama, for my Martha is not easy. It is also not the hardest thing either. If you resist it, it’ll be cruel to you, if you let it in, it’ll be magic!!

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Losing yourself

I sat in the car and watched Mum push the trolley to its bay, she turned and started to walk back towards me. She turned without hesitation and I watched her closely.  It was about twenty steps and she had taken at least ten.  A car was pulling out and she stopped, if she hadn’t […]

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When does the feeling sad part stop?

The past few days I have been reminded of grief. In many ways, shapes and forms. My own grief and the hole it has carved in my heart and of others grief. Today I wished collectively we did not experience grief, loss or sadness. That it wasn’t heart breaking and hard.  Today I wished that grief […]

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The merge…

We just moved in with friends. Good friends. Great friends. Angels on this earth; and I feel like I am suffocating.  I pray, I hope that this will pass quickly. It’s an interesting thing merging lives together, I was content when I lived in Christchurch, a familiar supportive crew that did their own thing, supported […]

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The nature of the beast..

I have to believe that for every dark night, there is a brighter day… Following moments of happiness last night we delved into moments of true sadness and desperation this morning. Martha has spent the last twelve hours angry, agitated, frustrated..  Telling me how much of a stupid fucking bitch I am. One of the […]

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