Your vulnerability makes you..
Lately I have had a few conversations about my writing, most of it positive and it is so affirming to hear that people think I write well but also that my words offer an insight into the world of living with dementia. It is amazing when I can connect with people in the community because of the page and my writing.
But some of the conversations about my writing has been perplexing to say the least, I have written about this before.
Making yourself vulnerable is the strongest thing you can do. I don’t find it easy to ask for help, I put it down to my only child syndrome. I think a lot of people do; but in an ever changing world where you can be in contact 24/7 an easy way to communicate without directly asking for help is to post something. Write something. Show your emotions in some way that takes it away from directly having to ask for help. So when I write about the way that alzheimers impacts me it is my way of asking for help. It is also my way of relieving the pressure that is building up. I write about sad things, happy things, frustating things and the likes.
This makes me vulnerable, it makes me open to criticism, it makes me open to idolisation, it validates my own self worth and in the eyes of some it makes me appear weak. It makes me appear too emotional, too angry, bitter or unstable.
But don’t get it twisted. Being vulnerable is the strongest thing you can be. The power it takes to write out your emotions, share your emotions at any level is an amazing feat.
So to anyone who has ever felt as if sharing your emotions is a hard thing to do, it is, you might be viewed as weak or vulnerable. But know this, you are strong, you are amazing and you are perfect!
You do a marvellous job no one knows when it would strike you or a loved one Arohanui cousin
Thank you for writing about vulnerability – yes I love reading your posts because alot of what you write I can so relate to. I have decided after having had mum in residential care the past 3 months and been told last week that she is over the threshold to be entitled to residential subsidy, so have recommended I get a loan to keep her in care. My dad passed away in December last year he was her primary care giver I am living at home having moved back to NZ from oz 5 yrs ago to care for both of them. Mum and Dad have lived in our freehold home for 53yrs and so Im frustrated that because mum still owns the house I need to get a loan for her to be cared for. I have made a conscious decision to resign from work to care for her in our family home. My 2 brothers and sister with their families all reside in Oz after been there for 15yrs, but I feel that over the past 3 months I know that I can care for Mum without having to stress about paying a ridiculous mortgage and ensuring she is well taken care of. I really believe that vulnerability is where I am currently, having made the choice to keep mum at home I am now feeling at peace that this is the best decision. During her stay in care I have bought her home a few weekends and feel that we will be ok. Coz you and Martha have your good and not so good days but its a hell of a lot better than been in care. I do not have any issues with mums care however I just know that we make each day the best we can and yes our vulnerability will either make us or break us and life is worth living with our mums and the horrible alzheimers that will not rule our lives!