Recently I wrote the post “A lot changes in three short weeks” this was about my shock at how much had changed and what had changed for Martha. These past three weeks that I have spent with her have been equally as hard as my initial shock.
Martha constantly talks, and for those of you who have spent any time with her recently you will know what this is like. It is a constant conversation with someone else, that is now driving us a little mental. She can talk all day and into the night. On a bad night I will get an hours solid sleep at a time, and most likely no more than four hours sleep in total, and for Martha she may not get any. Last night at 2am I made her get up, go into the lounge and finish her conversation before she even thought about getting back into bed. An hour later she appeared and the chit chat had stopped. She slept a few more solid hours before the talking started again. I want to scream at the world, who is occupying her mind!!!!!! GIVE HER BACK!
She talks about this person and that person and this place and that but none of it correlates to any truth.
It is becoming increasingly difficult for us and I am constantly thinking, what next? Is this it? Is our time up? But then she will have a day, or a night, or just a flickering of a moment where it all stops and we can talk, and laugh, and dance, and smile and then all is right in the world again. I cherish these moments like they are the rarest form of life on earth, they are what keep me going long after they have disappeared. I’ve become more efficient at documenting these moments, part of me thinks I should just be enjoying them for what they are, and the other part of me needs these snippets so I can look back in time and remind myself of how good life can be.
There is no denying the journey of Alzheimer’s is hard, for Mum I can see her frustration and yesterday she was desperate for the voices inside her head to stop, at one point tears gathered as she pleaded with the voices to “please be quiet, please shut up.” All I can do is rub her arm and tell her I love her, reassure her and myself that we are ok.
I am learning so much about myself and am so grateful to all the wonderful people we have in our lives, all the snippets of information that I receive from you all are amazingly helpful. Every day I learn something new from my community and every day we are reassured that we are supported and loved.
Love you Ma x
If you resist it, it’ll be cruel to you, if you let it in, it’ll be magic!
Aw praying for you guys and that those voices will leave aunty alone xox
Kyrin, I have tears in my eyes. When we talked the other day and I said “how are you?” and you said “Yep good thanks”. We talked a little more but mostly you told me how well you were doing as caregiver to your mama. So I just excepted that. You’re such a remarkable young lady who is so capable I just excepted that you were certainly not having it easy but that you were “ok”. Wow sitting here reading your blog, its real hard work huh. I’ll tell you what I see. An extremely loving daughter with an immense amount of patience and understanding and an absolute determination to give your ma the best of life’s experiences. Martha raised you well. Be very proud of yourself. I look forward to seeing you again real soon. xx
Love you Mumma and Kyrin, Kahu and I are sending you daily measures of LOVE and prayers.
LOVE is the most powerful energy the universe can vibrate, it flows like dancing frequencies of light around and within us, touching those places in our hearts and beings which becomes unbalanced by life’s situations. LOVE is a key that opens potential and possibility to help me believe “I can do all things through those who Love and believe in me”.
Kahu and I would love to come to your home and help out with mumma by spending time with her, chatting, dancing, playing games and sharing our Love with you both. Keep up the great work you do with mumma Kyrin and the love you have for her and the love she has for you it’s absolutely magical.
Let us know how we can support and share our love around with you and mumma.
Love is NOW ever present 🙂
Kahu and I Love you mumma and Kyrin, you will receive our daily love and light forever :))