I love a good list… Here are 5 things I want to share with the world… <3
After what has seemed like a massive move and struggle to establish ourselves in The City of Sails I have learnt a lot, struggled a lot, smiled a lot, laughed a lot and eaten a lot. There are so many things that I want to share with you all but I have whittled it down to a magic six, here we gooooo;
1. Vulnerability ain’t nothing to be scared of. I have always been a fairly guarded person, I blame it on my only child syndrome and having a sheltered up-bringing. I find it hard to express emotion for fear that I will be judged or reprimanded. My journey over the past year but mostly over the six weeks is that vulnerability rocks! It is not weakness, it is real, honest strength. Working with rangatahi I quickly learnt that if I was protecting myself and burying my emotions I couldn’t connect and I seemed distant. I have learnt to lean into vulnerability and use the power of love and acceptance by others to heal my heart.
2. I have to prioritize myself. In the moments where I was feeling my lowest I wasn’t doing anything to be kind to myself. I had stopped going to the gym and whilst I had some genuine excuses (the man flu counts as a genuine excuse, right?) most of it was not. I was making poor eating choices and letting negative thoughts be all consuming. This week I took most of Wednesday off doing ‘work’ because my mind and body needed to rest. I went to the gym, booked a PT session and have stocked up on fruits and veggies. I have found day respite for Mum and organized a couple of nice things for me and Ma to do. I put myself at the top of the list. Putting yourself first means you do better at everything
3. Good, honest people are the key to happiness. There are not enough words in this world to explain what my friends an whanau have meant to me this week. I received an outpouring of love and kindness from my various friends and whanau, new and old. Everyone has helped heal my heart soul by filling it with love and kindness and it has given me so much faith in the world, I will probably even vote!
4. Be wary of the highs (chemical imbalanced depression brain highs, not ah… the other high). I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience, I’m sure I am not alone but I have learnt to be wary of the highs. Following a giddy high last week it all came plummeting towards the ground with an almighty crash of a low. The low was deathly, dark and cold. It was an unforgiving space and felt just as hard and severe as the previous low. I pushed through and used my supports to get out of it, but I thought I need something more than this to get me out. Texting with a friend tonight about my wariness of highs he said, “What if you use the high to get everything sorted for a soft bounce instead of crashing?” So I have got to work on what I can do to help soften the fall. What will bring me crashing down? What will help lift me up? I am getting the cushions ready for a soft landing and hopefully an easier low.
5. Find your healing. The power of writing has done wonders for me. I have always been a huge fan of lists, notes and now blogs! It is hard sometimes for me to get going on a post, or even just an idea and anyone who has ever put pen the paper will know the silence of writers block. But I have discovered I can start out slow and easy, words, one word, two words and the next thing I have a sentence, a thought pattern, a paragraph and a post. The more I write the more my heart opens up to the world and the easier it is to let you all in to heal it. Writing is what I have turned to in my darkest moments to process, reflect and learn, and because of all of you it has been a true and wonderful way to heal. I
As always Thanks for reading! t is so comforting to walk with all of you through this journey.
Lots of love,
“If you resist it, it’ll be cruel to you. If you let it in, it’ll be magic!”